My days have been not like the days that i had before.

Things that i do over here are as usual. Wake up every morning with my lap top on just had to open up my eyes to see what are the new posts my friends have posted. Even though it is not really necessary for me to open my FootBook but still it has already become my desire to wake up everyday just to read the post that were being posted since i have the internet running 24/7.

My FootBook is always on never a chance i log out from my id. From the first time i was connected to the internet from my room that i am staying in now. I think i had never been awake with the outside things that are happening around me. Even though i have the internet going on 24/7. This is one attitude that i do not understand about myself. I should know that even though I am busy watching over her I still have to be awake with the situations around here.
(Why is it coming to a girls part??)

I'm dealing with my own personal problem. Actually I don't know how to handle my things.
I don't know what comes first and what comes second but for sure i know that my main priority is to be a successful man one day and be a proud worrier for my family. I have plans for my life. I would really like to be in love with the person i love the most. I have met this person that i am with now and we had planed things together. I and her have been sharing about our story lives. At the same time we tend to have problems that we most of the time solve it in a proper way. I sometimes get head aches because of this. I know friends are always there to help me around but it is her still that I refer to in the end. Is this because I am already in love or it is just a feeling of mine that is called Shock Sendiri(SS in Malay).

My feelings have over command me. I am sure it is because the things that i would like to take care of for example my friends, Girl Friend(One and only yeah), lecturers, and my family. I don't want them to get upset with me but i don't understand why am I losing them away
(not for my family). I was inspired by this one girl but it all blown away. I met a new person in life and fell in love with her just by knowing her from FootBook. For some people it is ridiculous people in the FootBook are not suppose to be trusted. For my case she was lucky that i trusted her from the first time she added me as her friend. The things that I have shared with her was the things that i kept deep inside me. My fear was the most worst thing that i shared with her. I was scared that she might not accept me but instead she was thinking the other way around. She convinced me that she is the one for me and she even did mention about marriage.

Don't laugh about this because I'm sure you would have been talking about that same thing with your one if only you had one. Future was always the topic that comes out from her mouth. I would never deny that i too agree with what she had planned for me and her. Her words approach me one by on as I am writing an essay. She give me the topic and i write it down. The way she tells me all what i should do opens my eyes as like my eyes before this was closed by eye shits. I realize the action that she is trying to do. She wants me to be a better person then being the guy that I usually am. I am happy to be with her but sometimes the things that me and her fight about are things that are not really important. Why do i have to cry in the end if she made the thing worse. I didn't understand a thing what is wrong with her. At first she gives me support and after i get in a fight with her she makes my anger go flood.

If she can make me angry i am sure she could calm me down. She never trusted her feelings towards me I am sure about that. I guess to her I am uncontrollable whenever I get angry. She never tried even once to know why I turn out to be like this. All the thing that she would say is "Everything is because of me. It is my fault I am sorry I am sorry again i made you angry" those are the words that make me even angrier. How can i calm down if those words are appointed to me again and again whenever me and her get in a fight. I don't want to her blame herself for the things that she have to me in the pass its just that i just want her to say that I Love You with all her heart and I am sure I would straight away faint and go to sleep. It is just one sentence that I want to hear from her mouth that I usually mention it to her to make her realize but no her eyes are still closed. I am happy that she is willing to change for me to be the best for me but i sense that i am blocking her from being herself. I change her to be a person that i like. This is not my way. I don't want all this. I make her suffer and as well i get suffered myself. If only she would keep that heart for me I am sure I will be able to control the emotion of jealousy.

A friend talked to me and i agree with her for telling me things that i never knew. My friend is right,we are not puppets to be controlled. We need to mingle around but still we have to remember the lines among our friends and our loved one. From this we can see the differences. Among friends and loved one. I too need to change and come out from this shell that i have been hiding myself inside it just to be faithful to her. I realize that I am suffering myself and I am sure she is feeling it too. At times i would like to give her some space but I am really worried about the things that might happen again like the thing that I went through in my pass. I am really scared of losing her. I put every single thing that i got for her. I could not bare to go for another audition explaining again about me. Its tiring and i just know it.

As things pass by i will continue to write more about the things that i would like to share. Positive thinking as always. =D

My 800 word essay "Game Tournament".

This is an article that captured my interest from a news paper New Straits Times (NST) dated on Saturday, July 17, 2010 it is entitled “Season for Competition” for gamers. This is where all the master mind of games comes to challenge their skills, knowledge, ability and wit. From this they get to compete among themselves to see who the best among the best is. For this year tournament, they are more to the field of battle. The games are Carcassonne, World of War craft, and Operation market garden. These games are more of a team game where it is played more than one player. For beginners, they usually play with computer to help them practice while touring how the game is played. This is the most exciting moment for all gamers from all over the world.


The qualifiers for the international tournament 2010 will be held around Klang Valley and in Pulau Pinang. The places are Toybox Paramount Garden Petaling Jaya Selangor, Outpost Cathay Ceinema e-Curve Mutiara Damansara KL, Cosmics Mart Mid Valley Mega Mall KL, InPlay Subang Jaya kl, Mage Café Damansara Utama Selangor, Wolf’s Game Shop Section 14 Petaling Jaya Selangor, York House Bangsar Shopping Center Penang, Borders Bookstores in Curve, Tropicana City Gardens Berjaya Times Square and Queensbay Mall Pulau Penang. From these places there will be a competition for a selection to be sent to the international tournament that will be held in Germany this year. For the qualifier there is certain date for each game. For those who were not able to perform well in July or August they still have the time to practice more and may try their luck again for the last time in September. This is done because the organizers really want to seek the best among the best players to compete not just for themselves but to prosper the name of our country in the eyes of the world. It is to show that our country does not just have intelligent people but also has moved on along with the IT that is being introduced to us by the people who created the game from other country.


How this competition is done during the qualifying in Malaysia. There are certain stages where all the contestants must go through to be qualified to join the international tournament. The stages that the contestants must go through are grouping, second round, quarter final; semi-final than came final where with their group will be selected to go the next round until the end of September. After that within those three months 30 groups will be selected and will go through the same process over again after the final qualifying round to get the best group among the 30 groups only one group will be selected to represent our country at the World Cyber Game (WCG) tournament. As we all have known last two years back tournament Malaysia proudly sent a representative named Wong Qi-Shuan only a form two student from Cempaka School manage to rank himself in the top 10 out of 52 countries. This shows how talented our citizen in the world of gaming.


In Malaysia we have tournaments going on every month in certain famous places. Like in Subang Jaya Selangor Asia Café; it is a well-known cyber café where hundreds of gamers come to play to challenge among themselves through local area network (LAN) service that is provided for the gamers so that it is easier for them to versus among them. Competitions are usually held every Tuesday after two o’clock this is to give a chance for the high school student to participate in the competition. For this type of competition usually the cyber café provides the necessary equipments and prizes. The winners usually get to train there for free to prepare themselves for other invitation or challenge from different cyber cafes.


Why World Cyber Games host an international competition. This is because of the interest that gamers have. It is not just to see their talents but also to create and improve a connection among gamers from all over the world. So there will be a huge connection among gamers that it could be called a community of itself. Such privilege of having an international tournament is an introduction to the world to the people who play games. It is shocking of how established a game duel among gamers can be. For those who are still new to these things it is never too late for them to get involved in this field of gaming.


In a nut shell, this year Malaysia will be sending a junior representative as part of commitment to develop critical thinking skills among students below 18. This is a chance for our young generation to get along with their friends from other countries in the same interest of game. This is a very good chance for them to exchange opinions and skills with each other.

What i had in my head.

My mind is full of games,
Though art are hard for certain people,
It easily gets burnt by one pain,
Through this and that we crossed a bridge,
But still why we haven't reach till the other end.

The storm and clouds that comes as one,
It shows its anger by a thundery sound,
Its so hard to be in one peaceful moment,
For that we still find it in one whole bound.

I seek i find i search i look,
Tremendous drama played by the crook,
Cocks head should never be cooked,
Because it will turn you dizzy,
As i usually feel when reading a book.

My Experience During Drama Fair

The whole PIP just had one more week to English Drama Fair. My group was not even prepared with anything. All i have was a mask for me where i was going to act as the beast in my fairy tail story. I bought that mask at Central market in KL. At the same time i was chosen as one of the player for the rugby team representing Mara Professional College Bandar Penawar at the Close K.P.M. rugby competition held that Saturday until Sunday at K.P.M. Branang, and our drama was on the Tuesday where i just have one day off to prepare for that night after i get back from the rugby competition. Before i left my group, i manage to do my part as the script writer and came out with quite a compact and easy to be understand dialog and shared among my group members. We practised quite hard for the a few days before i left them. My rugby team played well, but pitty us the winning was not on our side to be the champion instead we just got 3rd overall and categorised as the winner for BOWL. I was really tired after i got back from that competition but still,I had to fight my tiredness and perform well for the drama fair to get an "A" which was 10% for my carry marks for my English subject. I was really happy with my group because they manage to cooperate with me and did what I asked them to do before i left them. My narrators prepared their props and so as the beauty,merchant and the old lady, where we played a story entitled "Beauty and the Beast". We manage to prepare for a few more touches until the final night( TUESDAY ). My heart was pumping really fast, faster then anything that you could ever imagine, guess what i forgot to print out. The Folio!. I thought it was my friends task to print it out but than she gave the pendrive to me without telling me. I was really pissed off that time but I didn't mention it to her. I quickly went to my friends dorm and asked him for a favor by printing out the folio that is needed by the lecturer before we could start our play. They all waited for me. I didn't bring my phone along when i went to print that folio. The time was showing 10 more minutes to 8.30 P.M. I ran to the hall with my unbuttoned long sleave, with a very tired face and sweaty at the same time passed that folio to my friend and told my group to get ready insted I was the only one left not ready at all. The other group members thought that I slept until my look was so messy. All i wanted that time was to get an "A" and finish that drama thing. Minute by minute passed. The judge blew her wistle more than twice already but my play was still on until the sound of the kompang was played meaning that the beauty and the beast got married. My group assembled and introduced our character's. We stood straight and hoped that a good comment would be given to us AND atleast ask 1 or 2 questions, But insted the mean and ugly judges furthermore the most fattes lecturer of them all just gave a very unplesent smile and said "Ouh!,Your story is too long TQ. The next group may proceed."(Who eats Chilli, They feel hot) What does that mean.?! Please dont be unProfressional even though i don't know what the hell im talking about, but atleast communicate with us so that we can get rid off our stage fright, thats how we learn people. HELLO!. Give us a chance. We too have feelings alright. Okei, I'm done being emotional. Other than that, i'm also not satisfied about the mark that was given by our lecturer. How can the other lecturer give their students 10/10 and he cant. How unfair is that, it's not that were not gratefull with the mark he gave us but, poor to the student's that can't score well in their final exam. Isn't 10% is like a bonus for the other classes already?. To me it's a head start for the other classes to pass. Forgive me for being such an unkind person to who ever is reading this post. I hope i could do better in everything that i do and be among the best so that I can be an example to others to follow and lastly Thank You Mr.Bayu for helping me out with my english writing. I think without your help I wouldn't never be able to write any essy this long. I don't know if this is called an essy. But thank you very much.!

WHAT I DID DURING THIS RAYA

Assalamualaikum..

What i did during this raya. I arrived at home around 1 O'clock from my college. As usual every body wakes up early in the morning to get ready to go to the mosque to perform their Solat Aidilfitri, but i didn't sleep that night, i stayed up because i was busy doing my assignment but didn't finish them all. After my mum and dad woke up that morning i took my bath and woke my small brother up to get ready. Normally I have to help my mum clean the house before that special day come, but not this year because everything was done and helped by my small brother. So all i did was make up messes in my room. After everyone took thier bath we drove the car and we out the house around 7.45am. The mosque was quite full and we took our places even though it was very crouded that time. We finished our prayer around 10 and head home. I didn't go anywhere that day. After I seek forgiveness from my family I went to my room and had my long nap till the afternoon. The next day, I went to my old work place where my manager is still working which is at Baskin's & Robins and met with afew new stuff's that was working that time. We got along and chatted with each other while waiting for my step sister which is the manager of that shop. Actually the reason i went there was just to get the internet wireless and get a few ideas for my drama "Beauty and the Beast" through the internet where I will be acting as the Beast in a few more weeks time. I know it's kindda wierd because everybody that time surely was busy spending their time with their family but i wasn't. Nevermine, I have my own goal for my life and family. After I finished with my work at Baskins and Robins, I quickly packed my stuff's and went home to have my dinner, until the next day i was invited to my friends open house at Taman Bahagia,Her friend fetched me and we went togather to her house. The next day, I was invited to another open house which stayed just near by my area.
My raya this time was not that happening but it still does'nt matter because I'm just fine with everything. I did nothing until the day i went back to my college, but still I love my Life.

On My Way Back To College

It was on the 30th of August. Just a day before my birthday, with a very upset feeling I had to leave home and head back to my college where i am staying. My bus was about to leave 10 o'clock sharp from Pudu Raya bus station. Luckily my dad was willing to send me because i told i him that would be late if i take the bus. I had my friends ticket with me, she arrived at Pudu abit earlier and manage to pursuit the driver to wait for afew minutes for me. After i arrived, my brother quickly took out a piece of paper that he was holding from home till we reached pudu. I didn't have the time to open the piece of paper that he gave to me, I just kept it inside my backpack. Before I went out of the car I kissed my dad,mum and my brother. Then i quickly rushed out and went to my friend and waited with her where the driver told us to wait. After 5 hours ride to Johor Baharu, we arrived around 4.00PM. Me and my friend had to wait for the other bus that was going at 5.00PM to Bandar Penawar. While i was waiting, I remembered that my small brother gaved me something when I was about to leave the car. I opened my backpack and searched for it. I slowly opened it and read it word by word. He wrote,

To: R.D.K.@

For all those times you stood by me,
For all the truth you made me see,
For all the joy you brought to my life,
For all the wrong that you made right,
Your the one who help me up,
Your the one who saw me through it all,
You saw the best there was in me,
You gave me faith that you belived,
I lost my faith you gave it back to me,
You stood by me and i stand up tall,
I'm gratefull for each day you gave me,
Maybe i dont know that much but i know,
That this much is true,
You were always there for me,
You've been my inspiration,
Through the lies you were the truth,
My world is a better place because of you.....

We fight, we shout, we do a lot of stuff together you make me cry.But you say the truth. You are my favorite "BROTHER" cause we've been together forever but you got to go. Just want to say "I LOVE YOU" hope you'll have a great Birthday even though we may not celebrate it.

From: ay@n

He wrote me this, I didn't expect that he was going to do something for me, because he usually doesn't. I was happy and touched with his words and how he makes me as his MENTOR in my family among my brother's. Thank you very much small brother!
I showed the letter to my friend and she said that its nice to have a brother that's willing to tell the truth about themselves. All I want to say is study well and be your self ayan,and i my self will straggle to prove to my family im not a failure.

My Perfect Holiday

Everybody has their own perfect moment while gathering with their families.
Mine goes like this.

THE DAY WHERE IT BEGAN
I had my perfect moment when i was in Sabah.The day before Hari Raya Aidilfitri came approach.I celebrated that day with my uncle's and auntie's from my father's side.Lamps and fire torches was lighten up around our house near by the sea shore.Together me and my cousins helped my mum with the house cleaning and putted a few things that haven't been touched up yet.After we finished our work out side the house,the mother's were busy while the father's help in the kitchen preparing the food for our dinner. My brother and my other little cousins played with fireworks while the teenagers played with the bamboo canon.we had fun playing with it making big sounds and noises.Luckily my uncle was one of the police man so we didn't get any charges for making the noises,kinda like that rule.Luckily he was not on duty that time. Otherwise he wouldn't be able to join us having the most fun time ever with my family,his usually busy with his work,arresting bad guys around some areas. Other then that I was happy that my dad got his off day during that period. He was able to fly back right on time from Papua New Guinea to Sabah(Love you dad). I was also happy because he didn't just came back with empty handed(presents came).My mum was the most happy person when my dad entered the house and said "hello Humans". She left her work and straight away ran towards my dad. Hugging and tears started to come out. I hugged my mum and dad straight away after i saw my mum's tears came out.Just couldn't bare to watch my mum cry,I don't know what was my purpose joining my mums and dads happy moment,I guess maybe because i just wanted to fit in the hugging situation(no other intentions okei).

SECOND DAY
Kinda relived that fasting month was leaving us already that morning.We woke up early and took turns using the bathroom,preparing our selves for the morning prayer for Hari Raya Aidilfitri. We went to the mosque in a few cars,it was really squashy during the ride,but it didn't really matter because it was exciting with 1 tiara we fitted like sardines about 2 adults and 8 kids in it. Just couldn't imagine how i got my self into that car with my cousins.

After The Prayer
We head back to my house and started to ask forgiveness from each other.
My cousins and me couldn't wait to collect our DUIT RAYA. We were so excited that time and got ready to go to the beach way up near Papar where it was near my uncles village.Our journey took around 1 hour to reach to that beach.After we reached at the beach,we packed down the things from the car and load it down on the ground.We all helped each other and quickly took their cloths off and went into the salty sea.We had barbique,played games,took photos,ate and also played a contest.I took part and it was a tag of war,where we had to swim and chased each other in the water,we also made sand castles and ate finishes that was caught by my brother..Haha! funny because it was a pick-nick gathering and my brother still brings along his fishing rod. In the afternoon we got back home and by the next day my uncles,aunties,and cousins had to head back to their place because they too had to celebrate with their other side of their family.

Anyway it was really a exciting with all my cousins around coming to celebrate Raya with my family and most of the time we rearly have the time to gather up like that time. It's been years i have not gone back to Sabah,I guess maybe after i get my DEGREE then only i will see my cousins that are still there in Sabah..

Through out my whole life ,
that moment was the most Perfect Holiday Ever!
Love my family Very much!